Growing up…

I love spending time with ny niece.  She’s two now, which means that every other word out of her mouth is either “no!” or “mine!”  I just don’t get it sometimes..but I can’t help but smile at her.  She came plopping down the steps tonight and curled up next to me to “help me” buy a plane ticket as she cried my fiance’s name for no apparent reason. I love carrying her around and letting people wonder if she’s mine or not.  Sometimes I can’t wait to have kids of my own.  But I am terrified of screwing them up completely.  So many of life’s issues stem from issues with our own families and to be honest, our parents.  But the more I grow up, the more I see that my parents are people.  Humans.  Sinners.  I will, Lord willing, be a parent in the not so distant future, and there is no way on this earth that I won’t screw those poor unfortunate souls up.  But as my mom was killing a spider for me (yup, I’m 22, about to move out of my parents’ house forever, get married and get a real job (Lord willing!), and I still need my mommy to kill spiders and clear cobwebs out because for the life of me I just can’t do it) I realized that I’m not that messed up because of my parents.  I’m messed up because I’m me.  I’m human.  I’m a sinner.  A wise woman warned me against letting the ideal of being a good parent become an idol.  Wow.  I had never thought of that being an idol…but if it becomes more important to me than Jesus and being his follower, then we have a big problem.

I’m growing up, and it sure wasn’t long ago that I was the 2 year old little girl stomping around saying “I can do it myself!” to anyone and everyone.  Ok, so maybe I still say that rather frequently and with a certain stubbornness, but my point here is that life goes fast.  I’m sure if you’ve lived at all, you’ve already got that all figured out.  It just baffles me that in 3 weeks, I’ll be done with college completely.  And in 8 months exactly I will be a married woman!  Really? Wow.  Praise the Lord for his faithfulness and patience with me.  It’s kind of amazing that he doesn’t just wipe us out because we must be the most frustrating children in the world.  We can never just get it!  Go read Psalm 103 right now and praise Him!


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