I’m enthralled. Broken. amazed. jealous. convicted. I’ve avoided reading this blog for a while now–knowing how it would pierce my heart and make me very, very….well, eager to go when I feel I may be called to just stay for a while. It hurts me to stay. I have never wanted to stay. But I gave in and I started reading. about an hour ago when my husband went to the grocery store because I’ve been pretty weak and sick for a few days, I was reading a friend’s blog about her life and son, and I followed some links there.
Oh Lord, all I can think about is going. For years that’s all I’ve wanted to do. But a conversation with a friend earlier today comes to mind–I said I wish some Christians would just go to work and be lights in the workplace. I’m so full of it. I don’t want to go to work from 8-5 to earn a paycheck. I want desperately to feed the poor, to live with the broken and hurting. Those with nothing. And yet I know I love the comfort of this little apartment. The food James will bring home from the grocery store. I know we need to pay off my student loans, so we will continue to work. I will continue to seek the Lord in how my love for him can shine to those around us every day. We will continue to be Jesus to those we come in contact with, those we work with, those we love, and those we don’t know.
But Katie, my heart is with you. My prayers are for you. Sister, you are loved and appreciated.
I read this post and it brought the tears that are streaming down my cheeks right now. Because it is my heart. So accurately described. My disobedient, independent, selfish controlling heart written by someone I’ll probably never know.