Waiting

I am not good at waiting.  Right now I’m anxiously awaiting an answer for something that my heart truly and greatly desires.  I am so excited about this thing that I am waiting for, I have a hard time falling asleep at night.  So I pray. But as I pray I am struck by the fact that the only words I can think of are to remind God how much I desire this answer.  And how I so desire it to be a yes.  I know God knows my heart and I’m sure he grins at his young daughter constantly asking if it’s time yet.  Can I know yet? Oh how patient he is with me.

I’ve always struggled with sleep.  It takes me a very long time to fall asleep and I wake up very easily.  As a young girl, my mom told me something that a very wise woman at our church told her.  She said when she could not sleep, she would get out of bed and pray.  She would pray until she felt peace and could then sleep.  Although I’ve known this to be true for so many years of my life, I am embarrassed to say that more often than not I stubbornly refuse to get out of bed.  Tonight, as I was tossing and turning and reminding God how excited I am about this coming answer (and I’m sure genuinely annoying my sleeping husband) I decided to peel back the warm covers, sit with my Bible and pray.

I’ve been going over and over the verse “be still and know that I am God” in my head, but for some reason just cannot be still.  So I got out our huge study Bible to look at the notes about this particular passage–Psalm 46.  The context of the passage is God’s glory among the nations.  He will still wars and steady “raging nations and tottering kingdoms” (ESV study notes).  The notes go on to say, “Since the address in v. 10, be still, and know, is plural, readers should imagine God speaking these words to the nations, among whom he will eventually be exalted. This is the meaning of the Lord of hosts being with his people (v.11; cf. Matt. 28:20) : he will indeed see to it that the mission of Gen. 12:1-3 is accomplished.”

Ok.  That is an entirely different picture than what I have been imagining.  I thought it was such a personal calling for my own heart to be still and quiet.  God is calling the nations of the world to know that HE IS GOD.  That’s big.  God is big.  Oh his glory is so much more far reaching than the stillness of my own small anxious heart.

That being said, I will continue to pray.  And seek the Lord and ask him for what I desire with an open hand and heart, placing my trust in him, for he is my refuge and strength.  Yet, I want the earnestness in which I am seeking this answer to pale in comparison to the zeal with which I pursue the glory of the Lord among the nations.

Tonight, I pray a different prayer will be in my heart.

Psalm 67.  …Let the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you judge the peoples with equity and guide the nations upon earth.  Let the peoples praise you, O god; let all the peoples praise you! …

May it be so.

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