I don’t normally wake to crying at 4 am anymore. All three of our children sleep relatively well most nights. Even Titus who, at 8 1/2 months is teething like a madman. However two nights ago Titus cried out a few times around 4:30 and I stared at the monitor in mild panic. Panicked, not because he was awake (which he really wasn’t and was quiet after just a few minutes), but because I started to think “can we really do this? Am I ready to have another baby in the house already who will probably be awake all night long all too often? Maybe we’re not ready. Maybe this is too soon. Maybe we’re crazy.”
Foster parenting will be hard, yes. Caring for someone else’s baby in the middle of the night will not be without it’s challenges. But God is so gracious and was quick to calm my fears and heart and remind me of many many faithful servants who have gone before us and done much harder things for the glory of God.
The temptation to protect my comfort is fierce. The desire to flee exhaustion and the reality of baby withdrawals or fetal alcohol syndrome or any other “problem” is alive and well in my soul.
The fact that those temptations and fears exist and are rearing their ugly heads as we near our completion of certification shows me that there is one who would love nothing more than for us to ignore the orphan on our doorstep. Leave that vulnerable little child out in the cold on the steps to the altar of human comfort instead of opening the door to our little chaotic family and allowing them (and their birth parents, social workers and the village that comes with them) a little glimpse of what Jesus is all about. He not only gave up comfort on my behalf, he gave up being with his Father to live amongst strangers and fulfill the law on my behalf and then was quite literally tortured, beaten and crucified, NOT so I that might live “my best life now”, but so that I might lay down my life on behalf of others as I longingly await his return to make all the sad things come untrue.
There are just too many kids who need homes, permanent and temporary, for me to give in to fear, doubt, temptation and lies. I won’t confuse Christianity for the “American Dream.”
Pray with us for kids, workers, birth and foster parents. Go here and sign up to get more information on how and what to pray if you need ideas.